I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
