booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
