Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
one two three fourrrrnication!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
