dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
