Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
