just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
