She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
