sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
