I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
as a side note pls kill me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
