i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
