..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm bleeding and have questions
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
