Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
