Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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