3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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