It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
