Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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