flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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