babies were throwing up all over the place
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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