There was a lot of him and a little penis
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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