why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
