You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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