So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
