It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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