Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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