my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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