We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
