Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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