Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
