Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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