Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
