Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
