Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
