Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
