The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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