I'm going to jail i love you
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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