just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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