just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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