When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you would pick up someone in the library
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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