Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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