I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
