oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
