i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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