I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
