fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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