my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
