with your own penis?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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