Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
