bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Will exercising make me less horny?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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