I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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