i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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