here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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