i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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